Lately I feel as though I’m constantly telling myself what I’m going to get back into. I’m going to get back into ballet. I’m going to get back into blogging. I’m going to get back into reading. None of my thoughts are focused on the here and now. It’s all ‘when this calms down, then I’m going to do this..’ or ‘I want to do this’, instead of just getting on with it. Whenever I have a lot to do, I always find myself procrastinating more. Instead of just throwing myself at the problem, I tend to obsess. I worry about what to tackle first. Where should I begin? And then I find that because I’m too busy worrying, I forget to even start.
Today I got some bad news. Something I partly expected. But then bad news is never easy to receive, even when it’s anticipated. Then a package arrived with a book I ordered the other day: #GirlBoss, the autobiography of Nasty Gal’s founder, Sophie Amoruso. And I decided to take it as a sign that while it’s always shit to have bad news, it was time to change my attitude. So after a self indulgent afternoon spent wandering around town with my mother, buying myself nice things (like nice makeup, macarons and pretty plates for the flat..), I’ve pulled myself together. Sure, for a few hours I spent the afternoon flipping through Alexa Chung’s very easy on the eye, IT, and letting myself get lost in doing nothing and looking at nice pictures. Because sometimes you need to mope. But then when my new book landed, I realised that I could continue to wallow or I could sit up and get on with my life. Instead of making excuses for the things I wanted to do but felt too tired to start, I could just get on with it and try. Instead of feeling guilty for not blogging, I could turn to my writing as catharsis. I could channel my frustration and my fear into something more productive than bottled up worries.
So here I am.
Now I can’t wait to start my new book tonight. And now I’m ready to get up tomorrow, put on my lipstick and pull myself together. It helps of course that it’s a new Chanel one.
I completely know that feeling, and I have had very similar thoughts of late. Keep pushing, there will be light at the end of what can seem like a gloomy tunnel. http://www.bellaraeblabber.com